Casebook

Fun - 3 October 1888

Fun
3 October 1888

ANOTHER MISS
KEEPER MATTHEWS.--"P'RAPS IF YOU WAS TO SHOOT A LITTLE STRAIGHTER SIR---"
SIR CHARLES.--"DON'T TALK TO ME; IT'S THE WIND, AND THE GUN'S WRONG, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY."


Another Miss.
(SEE CARTOON.)

WHEN a sportsman goes out
   With a keeper to shoot,
It is galling, no doubt,
   If their toil bears no fruit;
Then each other they twit
On this failure to hit,
And perhaps, when that's done,
Both fall foul of the gun;
But whosever the blame,
   And whatever they say,
The result is the same---
   Tha the birds get away.

So when Warren (Sir Charles)
   Makes a miss, he may halt
And declare, with some snarls,
   That 'twas Matthews's fault.
Matthews vowing 'twas not,
But 'twas Warren's bad shot.
Then perhaps both come hard
Down on poor Scotland Yard.

But whosever the miss
   And whatever is said,
One is certain of this--
   That a criminal's fled.



THE active and intelligent officers of our unrivalled detective force
are still searching for the address of the Whitechapel murderer, who
daily shows his address by his skill in concealing it.

British Savages
[Murders, and attempts to murder, or maim by means of knife, revolver, or the
vitriol-phial are increasing rapidly in England. Apart from the awful deeds in the
first-named connection, over one hundred cases of vitriol throwing are reported in
the northern suburb alone.]

TIME was when we sneered at the foreigner's way
Of settling disputes with a stab or a shot,
We mocked at the Spaniard, Italian, Malay,
The wild Western "rowdy," the Turk, and what not;
And the pistol (which both were in foreign parts rife),
We used but the first, and we needed no aid
From knife or revolver--revolver or knife!

But now, here in England, where once e'en the brute
Made war with his firsts, or, at worst, with his feet--
That brute is now given to stab or to shoot,
Yes, e'en in the usual "row" in the street.
The pistol and poniard have lately become
In daily request as the weapons of strife,
And men, women, and children, in every slum
Dread the knife and revolver, revolver and knife!

All this being thus--certain shops may be found
(One especially, close to the Drury Lane slum),
Where second-hand "bowies" and pistols abound,
Each offered for sale at a moderate sum.
Nice temptation for brutes and bloodthirsty curs
To maltreat or murder their "women" or wives!
Yet, despite daily outrage, the Law never stirs
To check this large trade in revolvers and knives!

How long shall this loathesome hell-brood be allowed
These weapons--and vitriol even--to buy?
Once caught, all such scum with the lash should be cowed--
The garotter was wont at the nine-tails to cry.
Sentimentalists long wished the lash were subdued
But now that our brutes daily seek human life,
E'en these faddists mayn't weep if we lash all the brood
Who dare buy vitriol-bottle, revolver, and knife!