Author: Mark Andrew Pardoe
Wednesday, 06 November 2002 - 01:56 pm |        |
Whatho all,
We remember that scene. Patsy is sitting on her sofa watching her collection of home films. On the screen is the subject of her ire, the evil Walter Sickert. Oh those eyes!
Well, here are some more bearded men with shifty eyes at which Patsy may like a closer look:
Charles Darwin; a man with an unnatural interest in tortoises.
George Bernard Shaw: I’ve put my case on another thread.
Charles Dickens: he knew the East End like the back of his hand.
General William Booth: (the founder of the Salvation Army) he comes from Nottingham, recently described as Britain’s fourth most violent city.
Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill; (Zed Zed Top’s (I’m English don’t you know) guitarists) they looked wicked enough for Patsy and they purposely hide their shifty eyes behind shades.
Sir Thomas More; I know he was dead by 1888 but such a small detail would not deter the likes of Patsy.
Cheers, Mark |
Author: judith stock
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 03:55 am | |
Dear Mark,
You missed Sigmund Freud and Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S Grant, Robert E Lee and Walt Whitman!! Any others we missed? Any of your candidates and mine is more likely than Sickert.
Cheers,
J |
Author: Jim Jenkinson
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 04:50 am | |
Hi Mark & Judith,
In addition to your candidates, may I also include W.G. Grace, the legendary cricketer.
He sported a magnificent beard, and is therefore an obvious suspect.
Jim |
Author: Jim Jenkinson
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 05:32 am | |
Mark & Judith (again),
Ms Cornwell generously donated a Whistler engraving to the Hunterian Gallery, in Glasgow. She apparently aqquired it will researching her epic "Isle of Dogs" novel.
Would it be injudicious of me, to suggest the great American master was in the frame, originally, but was discarded, due to 'lack of evidence', of the committing the Camden Town murder.
Is painting one's mother a trait of serial killers ?
Jim |
Author: Monty
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 11:49 am | |
Santanists,
Father Christmas always looked an evil b'stard to me !!
Monty
 |
Author: jennifer pegg
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 03:05 pm | |
| what about karl marx he had a wicked beard |
Author: Garry Ross
Thursday, 07 November 2002 - 07:43 pm | |
I've been paying close attention to pics of Queen Victoria...I'm sure there was stubble there you know 
take care
Garry |
Author: Mark Andrew Pardoe
Friday, 08 November 2002 - 02:15 pm | |
Oh no!
I forgot Albus Dumbledore. An eye witness describes him as “…very old…”, therefore must have been alive in 1888, having “…several feet of long silver hair and beard…”.
I think I’m onto something here as “Professor” Dumbledore would have left the scenes of his crimes wearing the Cloak of Invisibility. He was probably standing in Mitre Square all along, laughing.
Cheers, Mark |
Author: Sarah R. Jacobs
Tuesday, 07 January 2003 - 11:11 pm | |
Mark--
And what about Frodo? He had one, too! Perhaps he and Golem worked together -- and they escaped because they looked like the scruffy children of Wh'chapel of 1888.
And of course, I'll bet you anything that if we look at Nostradamus and Mother Shipton, we'll find a foretelling about "Dix Cloches" ("Ten Bells") and "les Petits Gens" (the little/wee folk) to back up our assertions. ;-)
I, of course, still love _Punch_'s Sooty the Bear theory: Even my sister, who's sick to death of hearing about JtR, was heart-warmed by the tale of the lovable, blood-soaked little hand-puppet...!
BTW, Cornwell never once, in her entire exhaustive (-ing?) analysis of Sickert pere's Punch & Judy-writing career, leavened her material with the Sooty Theory, a segue to which would have been ***facile***, given the fact that Punchinello and Sooty (Sootifer? Sootington? Sootenstein? ;-D) shared cocktails in the Green Room of the Guignol (which, to Sooty, must have been galling -- He would have wanted to act in the **Grand**, pas le **petit**, Guignol, the latter of which is an innocuous P&J style puppetshow booth-cum-theatre-cum-institution in the City of Lights) when they were on the French leg of their "NO! It's MY Turn To Have a Go At Judy!!!" Tour, which was banned in the USA for scenes of bestiality.
Also, Sooty had shifty, beady little eyes. In fact, if my sources are correct, they were actual *beads*. And he was foreign enough looking: A bear on his hind legs, not toothless and/or being baited!!! Plus, he wore curly sidelocks, a big black hat & coat, carried a huge slaughterman's knife, and wore a big, shiny button that said, "HELLO, My Name Is... DOCTOR WILLIAM "Sir Clarence Eddy" MAYBRICK LEWIS CARROLL DRUITT FRANCIS THOMPSON GULL-WINDSOR-SAWNEY-BEANE-CLAN and a half".
He also hummed the main theme from Gay's "The Beggar's Opera" and sometimes ate fish that he sold all by himself, as "Israel Lipski-Kosminsky-Barnett" and sometimes as "Mary Jane Maria Marie Jean Jeanette Pearly Poll Long Liz Lizzie Elizabeth Catherine Kate Eddowes Stride Chapman nee Alexandra, Grand Duchess of the Russias and Chairman in Charge of Papal People."
Which is why Elizabeth Stride, a spy from the Lutheran Church, faked her death and killed Sooty, whose body was made to convincingly look like those of five-to-fifteen women-rumored-to-be-prostitutes and strewn about the East End in 1888, across weeks, and paid doss-house denizens to yell "murder!"
There! Now it's out of my system fot the time being!
Sarah |
Author: Peter R.A. Birchwood
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 05:58 am | |
Sarah:
Sooty Lives! |
Author: Philip Rayner
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 06:46 am | |
'A bear on his hind legs'
This , I'm afraid is where your theory (Fascinating as it is!) falls down as Sooty, being a glove puppet, had no legs. I believe that Sooty's sidekicks, Sweep the dog and Sue the panda (Who wrote this stuff, what were they on?) committed the crimes in order to throw suspicion on Sooty because he always got the best lines. Sweep merely stood there barking as the bodies were discovered but the game was nearly up when a policeman questioned the presence of a toy Panda at the scene.
Whilst we are looking for suspects in Childrens tv, how about the teletubbies. Evil looking little monsters who had surgery early in life to graft wierd things onto their heads. This obviously twisted their minds turning them into psychopathic beasts. The only thing stopping patsy making them suspect no1 was that they were not impressionist painters and they have no DNA.
Please excuse this post as I am suffering from terminal idiocy and it is complete b*lls**t. Just got to knock a letter off to a national newspaper and then it's off down the east end. Now where did I put that knife.
Philip 'Kosminski' Rayner |
Author: Caroline Morris
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 10:54 am | |
Hi Philip,
Get your facts right please - it's Soo, not Sue; Sooty doesn't have any lines (Harry Corbett repeating what he whispers to him counts as hearsay), and Sweep makes a squeaky noise which in no way resembles a bark.
These are the bear facts of the case. Prove that Sweep and Soo's paws can hold a paintbrush, tackle a Victorian nib and yield mitochondrial DNA that shows they are descended from the same woman 50 generations ago that Sickert was descended from, and you have a reasonable case for them trying to frame Sickert as the killer.
Come back when you have the proof.
Love,
Caz |
Author: Philip Rayner
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 11:00 am | |
| I've got more proof than Cornwell. And she can't spell names properly. Witness 'Tabran'. |
Author: Jim Jenkinson
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 11:22 am | |
Hi all,
Until now I've been reluctant to comment on Sooty, but having read some of the above comments, I feel I have to set the record straight.
Sooty was (is) an evil, manipulative,little sod, who was always getting my pal Sweep, knee deep in the brown stuff. Soo ? Peripheral do gooder. As for Harry H. Corbett.... it's Hercules I feel sorry for.
Punch ? Sadly not nowadays, more like a handbag.
Harrrrumph
Jim |
Author: Brian Schoeneman
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 01:13 pm | |
Sarah, Philip, Caz and Jim,
As the attorney for the descendents of the aforementioned "Sooty" AKA "The Glove Puppet" AKA "Sooty the Bear" AKA "James Monro", I have to kindly ask that you refrain from further damaging the reputation of my client. Sooty has been convicted of no crimes in front of a jury of his peers - namely, Howdy Doody, Lambchop and the residents of the Land of Make Believe as represented by His Royal Highness, Fred Rogers, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary.
If you fail to cease and desist, I may be forced to beat you with a wet noodle, or - worse - lock you in a room with Melvin Harris, Robert Smith and a large, angry polecat in heat.
Brian W. Schoeneman
Dewey, Cheathem and Howe,
Attornies-at-lunch
Washington, DC |
Author: Philip Rayner
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 02:28 pm | |
Dear Brian
I represent mr Philip Rayner and wish to make some points regarding your Post of today.
1. Mr Rayner has in his own post admitted to limited mental faculties and therefore cannot be held responsible for his comments.
2. Whilst agreeing that Mr Sooty has never been convicted, it has been proved that he had ample motive. Spending your entire waking life with someone's hand up your bottom will do it every time.
3. On the basis of a recent book by an American Lady Mr Rayner is merely following precedent to whit creating a totally unsubstantiated theory with regard to the atrocities and expecting everyone to believe it without question.
4. Further to this, Mr Sooty is known to have painted some very suspicious paintings in his TV shows. The one entitled 'I am Jack the Ripper' is a dead giveaway squire.
5. He has no children anywhere. Records show that he was born without legs-OR SEXUAL ORGANS- and must therefore have a hatred of women (Or at least female glove puppets.) and this is ample substantiation of his guilt for a loony like my client.
Regards Mr Spikey Norman
Screwem and Run attorney at law
11 Rupert towers
N'mumba
Swaziland
w3
Graduate 'Get your degree online' university |
Author: Timsta
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 02:53 pm | |
Harry H Corbett
The dirty old creep
One hand up Sooty
The other up Sweep
Regards,
Soo, Grabbit and Runne
Solicitors |
Author: Robert Maloney
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 04:55 pm | |
Speaking of Sooty:
If the Devil's Sooty Brother was Osiris, then the next question must be:
Was Osiris....Lazarus?
Rob |
Author: Jeff Hamm
Wednesday, 08 January 2003 - 10:36 pm | |
Dear Brian,
We, as a group of researchers who are now convinced of the Sooty theory, would ask that you first prove that Sooty was never convicted before you ask that this theory be abandoned. As a rebuttle to the expected feeble excuse of the lack of trial transcripts, I point to the fire that occured awhile ago, where these very transcripts must have been stored since they aren't available anymore.
- The Mr. Men |
Author: judith stock
Thursday, 09 January 2003 - 04:36 am | |
OK, DAMMIT.....ENOUGH!! Those of us with INSIGHT all KNOW that it was Howdy Doody WEARING a Sooty suit!!!! He ALONE had the feet, the legs and the puppeteer necessary to commit these crimes. If you doubt this, PLEASE check Puccini's underpants for the signed, dated, notarised AND flash frozen confession found therein. Another strong bit of evidence is the graffiti found in the men's loo at Lords Cricket Ground. One more libellous accusation made against the Sootster will bring about legal action. Soo and Sweep, while a touch more than whacko, are innocent, as well....so all you nutcases who insist that a legless, footless puppet is the culprit had better get a good lawyer! You're gonna need it!
Dewey, Cheetum and How (also representing the NPR Car Guys!)
#1 Oops Lane
Up-The-Creek
Paddleless
BUCKS
UK |
Author: Peter R.A. Birchwood
Thursday, 09 January 2003 - 05:40 am | |
Harry Corbett (no relation to Harry H. Corbett) died a few years ago and his son "Matthew" took over as Sooty's minder. There was a recent buy-out of the Sooty pantheon so I don'y know who is assisting the bear now. As he is now over 160 years, he may be considering retirement to work on his memoirs which should be interesting provided the current government allows them to be published.
Some years ago Matthew Corbett went, as part of the entertainment, to a political dinner. He was stopped at the door and asked what he had in the box he was holding. The reply "Sooty!" did not impress Security. |
Author: Brian Schoeneman
Thursday, 09 January 2003 - 02:05 pm | |
All,
I would like to concur with what my co-worker at Dewey, Cheatem and Howe, Dame Judith Stock, had to say.
So, please insert a woven foot covering in it.
Brian W. Schoeneman
Dewey, Cheathem and Howe
Attorneys-at-around-200-lbs
Washington, DC |
Author: Philip Rayner
Thursday, 09 January 2003 - 02:38 pm | |
I wouldn't let my woven foot coveings anywhere near my mouth....yeurchhhh.
I have now outgrown the Sooty and Teletubby theory. I cannot seriously concieve of a puppet of Sooty's diminutive stature being able to reach anyone's throat, let alone cut it. Nor do I believe that any conspiracy involving various other puppets and childrens entertainment characters.
Thus my suspects are now narrowed to:-
A cardboard cutout of a man holding a gladstone bag, wearing a top hat and cape. I suspect this because lots of the jack the ripper books have this on the cover.
Mutant crocodiles breeding in the sewers. (Americans should be familiar with that one.)
A bloke I met down the pub who looked at me a bit funny.
Anyone who died in late 1888.
So there
Phil Rayner
Room 93
Happy acres home for the terminally stupid.
Loony-on-the-run
Nr Wackoville
London
w1 |
Author: judith stock
Thursday, 09 January 2003 - 11:12 pm | |
DEAR PHIL......PLEASE RE-READ MY POST, AND BRIAN'S FOLLOW-UP....... SOOTY DID NOT DO IT!!! HOWDY DOODY PUT ON A SOOTY SUIT AND VENTURED FORTH TO WIELD THE KINIFE. Now that the offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe on BOTH sides of the Atlantic have weighed in, NO ONE is safe from our dastardly, litigious presence. You had better go get a REALLY good lawyer, Phil. Our clients, Sooty, Soo and Sweep are innocent of all accusations (except perhaps that they need a good shave).
NOW, everyone, go out and have a pint, relax, put your feet up and have a bit of fun.
J |
Author: Caroline Morris
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 05:48 am | |
Hi All,
Brian threatened me and other posters, if we persisted in damaging the reputation of his client, Sooty.
As you can see from my post on the subject, I did not damage Sooty's reputation at all. He may well have whispered to Harry Corbett, "I only thought I knew", that Sweep, Soo and Little Cousin Scampi tried to frame Sickert for the crimes, but as there is no way of proving this beyond reasonable doubt, I have to presume his total innocence and ignorance on all matters relating to his fellow creatures' actions.
However, I don't mind spreading a little malicious gossip about Sooty, perhaps whispering it in Brian's ear for the purpose, if he promises to carry out his threat to lock me ‘in a room with Melvin Harris, Robert Smith and a large, angry polecat in heat’.
There is nothing I'd like more. Robert and I will stand by holding the bucket of cold water, and if Melvin doesn't come up with his proof against the modern diary forgers, the polecat doesn't get it.
Have a great weekend all.
Love,
Caz |
Author: Philip Rayner
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 03:06 pm | |
Judith, I refer you to my previous comments re outgrowing the Sooty theories.
The bloke down the pub is my favourite at the moment as he said Hello to me in a VERY suspicious manner today. |
Author: judith stock
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 04:19 pm | |
Okey dokey, Smoky. Just be very careful, Philip, as litigation is our life!!! And you had best watch out for the "hello" sayers, too....one can never tell when they could mean serious trouble. Howdy, as you may or may not know, said "hello" a lot, and look what happened as a result.
Cheers,
J |
Author: Philip Rayner
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 05:08 pm | |
Judith
I think you are fixated on this Howdy character. I have no Idea who he is being of Kentish Anglo saxon extraction (England.). Please tell me more regarding this suspect IE
Is He an impressionist painter?
Would he fit into a sooty costume?
Does he drink in my local pub (In case he is the man who said hello maliciously.)?
Can he be proved by Mitochondrial DNA to be related to one sixth of the entire population of the world in the female line?
Is he a Prince/Mason/Teacher/Barrister/mad midwife/Walter Sickert/Policeman/Doctor/Liverpool cotton merchant? If so we can eliminate him.
Until these vital questions are answered I cannot take him seriously as a suspect. |
Author: judith stock
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 07:50 pm | |
Philip,
You're absolutely correct; Brian and I both know that Doody dunnit, while wearing a Sooty suit! That's why we are so actively engaged in suing the pants off anyone who says anything nasty about Sooty and company.
As to Howdy Doody...picture this, if you will: a marionette (WITH LEGS AND FEET, by the way... unlike Sooty, who has neither), with red hair, freckles, wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and boots, and a smile and eyebrows so closely resembling George W Bush as to be uncanny. He is NOT an Impressionist ...he WILL fit into a Sooty suit... he HAS been seen in your local....since his Mum was a tree, I doubt the mDNA will hold up...and, last, he enagages in none of the occupations you list!!! It's a fait accompli, Philip....don't you see the truth staring you in the face???
J |
Author: Brian Schoeneman
Friday, 10 January 2003 - 11:12 pm | |
Philip,
Our private investigators have been following this Doody character for a long time.
Our last bit of incriminating evidence was when we saw him walking out of a long limo accompanied by an unidentified woman. They both went into the Putnam Penguin headquarters and stayed for a long time.
Truly suspicious behavior.
B |
Author: judith stock
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 12:24 am | |
Thanks for the top-flight investigative report, Brian; you just can't beat the nasty litigators from Dewey, Cheatem and Howe!!! Sooty WILL be vindicated and proven to be a hands-up kind of guy.
I'm also considering filing a class action suit against Cornwell for the bodily harm she has caused a huuuuge number of people who have read her book; my medical investigators report that anyone who spends more than fifteen nanoseconds reading CASE CLOSED will suffer from nausea, dizziness, headache, shortness of breath, rashes, fever, water retention, PMS, PTSD, bunions, corns, carpal tunnel syndrome, water on the knee, hip dysplasia, male pattern baldness, colds, moles, strained tendons, ingrown toenails and brief periods of insanity. Do you think you could get your researchers on this, so we can put together a suit that will make the tobacco settlements seem like a trip to Wal-Mart?
J |
Author: Ky
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 01:04 am | |
Judith,
You forgot hemorrhoids.
Ky  |
Author: Philip Rayner
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 06:12 am | |
Judith
After reading Cornwell's book I briefly suffered under the delusion that I was in fact a caeser salad. I got over it eventually and realised that I am in fact just a lettuce leaf with a superiority complex.
A freind of mine read the book and his brain immediately shut down in order to protect itself from a illogic overload.
I also read that someone in America read the book and developed a rash on his bottom in the image of 'Ennui'. He was later to say "If that theory is true my ass is an oil painting."
Hope this helps with your lawsuit, when do I get my damages.
Regards
Mr P. Iamacompletenutter Rayner |
Author: Brian Schoeneman
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 07:23 am | |
Judith,
We're already on it, but it's taking a terrible toll on them. The last two researchers I had on it got the runs for three straight days after reading the introduction. Horrible stuff.
B |
Author: julienonperson
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 07:49 am | |
Hi All
I must have missed something along the way, because I am totally in the dark on this "Doody" character, Sooty and LaBruckman. Have I missed some posts or maybe a book somewhere.
Also Carrie Brown is new to me. When did she come into the picture? Did I miss her too.
Maybe I've been out for lunch and not known it, HA!!
regards julie |
Author: Ally
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 07:57 am | |
Julie,
Every once in a while our members go off on a boozer and come up with some whacky theory about Doody or underpants. Unfortunately these spells don't last too long before they are snapped back to sanity. But while it lasts, it's fun to watch them stagger and reel about.
Search the archives for words like "Doody" or "underpants" and you'll see what I mean.
Love y'all--have one for me!
Ally |
Author: Philip Rayner
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 08:43 am | |
In other words dear Julie this is all complete nonsense designed for blowing off a little steam and kicking about nonsense theories. Sooty is a glove puppet from childrens TV originally credited as the Ripper in a spoof article. Howdy doody is , as far as I can tell an American TV puppet character.
Oh yeah Ally, I am not drunk, I always stagger and reel like this. I Drinks therefore I is.
The thing about Cornwell is semi serious. I had to stop myself laughing out loud whilst reading her book.
Please feel free to add any suspects you feel appropriate.
I asked the bloke down the pub why he kept saying hello in such a suspicious way and he said 'Just for Jollies, wouldn't you?'
'Case closed'
Phil the increasingly out of touch with reality. |
Author: Philip Rayner
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 09:01 am | |
Brian, perhaps you should take the approach offered by the Monty Python sketch 'The funniest joke in the world.' In this sketch people died laughing at the joke (Whilst Cornwell's book has the opposite effect.). The solution was to get different people to read one word each. In this way you can get your analysis with minimal risk of bowel disorders to your researchers.
WAIT-that's it. It's been staring me in the face all along. John Cleese is JTR. Anger management is a closed book to him, he is violent to himself and others and after the murders he nipped down to Torqauy on a train. This would also explain a long forgotten ear witness-Mrs Edith Patagonianstoatstrangler- who was sure that at all thirty seven murders she heard a long drawn out cry of Ssssssyyyyybbbbbbiiiiilllll!
Why was mrs Patagonianstoatstrangler at all thirty seven murder scenes. Who knows, Who cares? Unless she was the murderer, no they did it together. 'I feel I am going to be like mother' Where did I put those stones and the fake ID. |
Author: judith stock
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 12:19 pm | |
SEE, Brian???? WE DO have a case, but tell your investigators to take it easy...they might succumb, too. Thanks to Ky and Philip for their input...we need to know about every single bit of damage done, and cannot afford for EVEN ONE disease to slip through the net.
Julie..sorry if we have made you crazy; please follow Ally's advice and seek out the truth.
ALLY....we will convert you, yet!!!
TO EVERYONE ELSE: I usually get a bad case of simples in January, and this is the result. All this Cornwell crap, and the anger on the boards of late, has brought it on early this year. If we make you nuts or piss you off, I apologise. AND, BE AWARE NO ONE IS MAKING LIGHT OF THE SERIOUS NATURE OF THESE CRIMES. WE ARE NOT LAUGHING AT WHAT THE RIPPER PERPETRATED.....WE ARE, AS ALLY SAID, BLOWING OFF STEAM. All are welcome to join in...it never hurts.
Cheers to all,
J |
Author: julienonperson
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 02:00 pm | |
Hi all,
I guess I should have known that Sooty etc, etc were playful Jacks. Thanks for taking the time to clue me in.
Philip - You are a real card and we are going to have to deal with you, Ha!!.
Judith - I did not want to admit that I actually knew who Howdy Doody was, after all that was a while ago. That would be like admitting that I am
over the 29ish area, yeah right!!
Trevor - I'm with you. I do firmly believe that Joe Barnett murdered Mary Kelly, but I do not think that he was Jack. I could be wrong though, I was ONCE before. hee hee!!
Brian
You are welcome |
Author: judith stock
Saturday, 11 January 2003 - 05:09 pm | |
Julie...far from admitting, I like to shout that I am waaaaaay over 29ish. As I get older, I find I can be more outrageous, as people tend to forgive crazy old people just about anything!!!
J |
Author: Caroline Morris
Sunday, 12 January 2003 - 04:25 am | |
What's the secret, Judy? I'm a crazy old person yet I don't get forgiven for anything!
Love,
Caz |
Author: judith stock
Sunday, 12 January 2003 - 10:23 am | |
Don't know, Caz...maybe it's that I say totally outrageous things, and people think I MUST be a nutter! The trick is to sound sane only a small part of the time. I can be serious for a time, but then the sillies kick in and save me from the intensity of the moment....does that make any sense? Try it..it's fun.
J |
Author: Ky
Sunday, 12 January 2003 - 07:21 pm | |
As to the ridiculous claims against Howdy Doody and the aforementioned Sooty, I would respectfully put forth the view that the Ripper was none other than Mortimer Snerd, former sidekick to Charlie McCarthy.The crimes were committed by Mr. Snerd while disguised as Howdy Doody in a Sooty costume, his name alone proves our case!
As to the case of Patsy's book causing various diseases, our office ( The Office for Perfectly reasonable Claims) has heard of many anecdotal cases of people coming down with Halitosis from merely GAZING at the book in question. This of course causing the victims to lose 'marital affections' for up to 2 days. This of course is an actionable cause!
Thank-you very much, Anne Ludicris |
Author: judith stock
Monday, 13 January 2003 - 01:27 am | |
Ms Ludicris, You definitely have a job offer from the litigious stinkers at our firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe!!! On your own, you are adding fuel to the fire of our class-action suit, AND you are engaged in defending the name of Sooty....... one of our eminent clients. Kudos to you and your investigative talents.
Please consider joining us in our efforts to UNbesmirch the name of Sooty, and to further smirch the name of Cornwell. As a further incentive, I would like to inform you that we have REJECTED Bill Clinton as a client, on the grounds that he is no more capable of telling the truth than he is of giving birth to a diamond covered egg.
As to the guilt or innocence of Snerd: his name HAS been bandied about in our offices, but Doody still seems to have the most votes for culprit of the week.
J |
Author: Philip Rayner
Monday, 13 January 2003 - 03:00 pm | |
Dear sir/madam
Further to your "Cornwell gave me a disease" suit.
My wife read the third sentence on page seventy two and immediately turned into a newt. I called her tiny because............
Wait for it.........
She was my-newt.
She also caused me to gratuitously utter very old jokes on a serious message board. Is this actionable.
Mr B mental
Kent. |
Author: judith stock
Monday, 13 January 2003 - 06:00 pm | |
ARE YOU SERIAL?? OF COURSE THESE ARE ACTIONABLE, Mr Mental of Kent!! And if your minute newt has not recovered, there may be a criminal action you might pursue, as well. You have a multimillion £ claim if ever I saw one. And the damages roll on...keep your cards and letters coming in!
J |
Author: Ky
Friday, 17 January 2003 - 01:49 am | |
Dame Judith,
Sorry for the late reply and thank you for the lovely job offer, I will take it under consideration.
As for Cornwell, consider her smirched.
As for our investigations, our office (The Office for Perfectly Reasonable Claims) is now focusing on one PePe LaPeu ( the little stinker). It seems he was seen with Sickert in France during the time in question. This of course could exonerate Sickert. He, LaPeu, could also become a suspect when you consider his constantly being rejected by the fairer sex, this of course throwing him into a homicidal rage. This is of course using Cornwellian logic.
Thank you very much
Anne Ludicris |
Author: judith stock
Friday, 17 January 2003 - 01:25 pm | |
Ms Ludicris.....Mr LePeu could well and truly be in the frame for this. Please continue your investigations; we will be glad to assist in any way possible.
And, please keep our job offer on the back burner. We need more litigators with such serious attitudes...this IS, after all, NO LAUGHING MATTER!
J |
