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Eric Smith
Unregistered guest
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 12:31 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Since so many fake letters were written, I think we should have a contest. Everyone post their own work of fiction on here. I'll pick the winner and mail it to Scotland Yard next time I go to Mexico. That way the authorities in the US and UK won't be able to arrest me for interfering with a police investigation.
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Caroline Anne Morris
Inspector
Username: Caz

Post Number: 483
Registered: 2-2003
Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 8:01 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Smith
Ile hack you up before you get the chance and serve you up for supper so stop yor meddling this instant. Call it fiction would you? How would you lik sum friction applide to your livver ha ha see I do the jokes round here.

When the Boss is away Jacky can play.

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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 1356
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 8:31 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Smith

I was just about to take Stride's innerds when I was -

Jigger me, it's happened again! Can't a killer get some peace?
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 1365
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 5:51 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Mr Lusk

Sor

I understand you're a builder. I send you roughly half the kidne I took from one woman, but it may grow to three quarters.

Signed
Got a hacksaw I could borrow Mishter Lusk?
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Harry Mann
Unregistered guest
Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 4:39 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

"Three cheers for Mr Anderson for being a gentleman,and keeping my name secret'.
Rip!Rip! Hooray.
Rip!Rip! Hooray.
Rip!Rip! hooray.
"Shsh!, he didn't really know me".
"It isn't Cohen nor Kosminsky"
"Nor any name that he be knowing"
"It isn't Jack, but that will do"
"when all are ripped,I'll send it through"
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Eric Smith
Unregistered guest
Posted on Monday, December 08, 2003 - 3:56 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Everyone,
I was really thinking about something more along the lines of you describing the interactions with the victims, like saying you saw a bug on MJK's face and you tried to kill it with the only thing handy: your knife. :-)
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 1517
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Monday, December 08, 2003 - 1:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

All right dear old Boss I'll put my thinking cap on.

Saucy Jacky
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 1519
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Monday, December 08, 2003 - 2:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

You still there, dear old Boss? It wasn't my fault. I was hanging around outside that Mary Kelly's window when she comes home after a night's whoring, covered in make-up. I heard her say to herself "I've got to take my face off."

I just gave her a hand....
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M.Mc.
Unregistered guest
Posted on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 5:22 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Okay, this is silly but I decided to give it a go. Just for jolly wouldn't you? (Sighs) UGH!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Dear Boss,
Now they say I am Jill the Ripper! That bitch joke gave me real fits! Ha, ha! I gave my trade name as Jack not Jill and I didn't go up no bloody hill. When will they learn dear old boss? I shant quit ripping whores till I do get buckled. My knife's so nice and sharp for my funny little games! I shall clip the women's ears off and send them to the police. Vincent Van Gogh gave me the idea! Ha, ha! Catch me if you can! No luck yet. Must clean the blood off my knife curse it! Maybe I'll just lick it clean this time!

Yours truly,
Jack the Ripper

PS In a pool of blood my victims lay, didn't even give them time to pray. Ha, ha! See you in church!
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Adampharr
Unregistered guest
Posted on Friday, March 05, 2004 - 8:41 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

To Who It May Concern,

Its nice to see everyone is taking notice of me and my work. Next week I'll leave another for all of you to stare at ha! ha! ha! Was nice to have so much time with dearest Kelly you see what happens when I get to take time with my work unlike that Stride harlot. See you soon Boss

Riddle me this
Riddle me that
There's not a whore in all of London
Who can hide from Jack
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 2193
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Saturday, March 06, 2004 - 4:06 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss

You will never catch me because I am far too clever.

Yours
John Smith
56 Acacia Avenue
Middlesex
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AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf

Post Number: 920
Registered: 2-2003
Posted on Saturday, March 06, 2004 - 5:01 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Not as clever as Fishy Joe the fish porter when he wrote:
'Not codding you Boss'.
And then went home to his pike and kippers.
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Dustin Gould
Unregistered guest
Posted on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 5:49 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,

I be rippin' many a whore, for many a night now. But dear, ol' Boss...Ya still be a tad slow on me whereabouts! Ha ha! Don't be frettin' none. Ya ain't the only one laggin' behind, and surely won't be the last. Shall I be leavin' a trail of breadcrums for ya ta follow? Are the bodies a whores not enough? Maybe you fancy yourself lucky one day, and happen upon me making lovely with a pretty. But until then, ya still be groping in the dark! Be careful, Boss. I might be there with ya! Ha ha!

Your truly,

Jack The Ripper.
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Kelly Robinson
Police Constable
Username: Kelly

Post Number: 9
Registered: 2-2004
Posted on Saturday, April 03, 2004 - 6:00 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,
They said I had a carrotty moustache but haha it was a smear of orange marmalade!
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Jack Traisson
Unregistered guest
Posted on Saturday, April 03, 2004 - 9:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

3 October 1888

Please stop me, I can't control myself. Two in one night. Why? One should suffice. You think I'm insane, don't you. Well you're wrong. I don't know why I do it. No, that's a lie. I do know. The answers are not to be found in your filthy papers, but check the filthy streets. I'm cleaning the streets and everyone hates me for it. Well join the queue.

Before all of this began, I read in the papers - oh yes, I read, I am not a stupid man - how something has to be done with the East End. Some people talk...and talk, and talk. Action is required. Wake up, it's a new dawn. Can you not see what's been happening. If it was not me it would be someone else. It's something that's been simmering long before this autumn. But like the bafoons in parliament, or an obstinant child, you haven't been listening. Do I have your attention now? Can you hear me? Good. It's about f****ng time.

I read today that I am down on whores. You have no idea. If you are afraid of what I'm going to do next, it may bring you some solice to know that I am afraid too. You can't imagine how I feel. Do you think I want to do this? Understand I have to do this. I will not be responsible for the next one if you don't catch me. Let that one be on your conscience. Maybe one day you will understand. I doubt it though. I could talk for a hundred years about what's inside my head, and you would still shake your head in disbelief as if you've only read the last page of a book with a horrifying, yet necessary, ending. The truth is in the preceeding pages, but you can't see it or face it. Maybe you don't want to. You won't like what you'll see. Well I 've looked in the mirror. It's ugly and hideous. At least I have the courage to face it. And unless you can find that courage, how can you ever hope to catch me.
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Neal Shelden
Detective Sergeant
Username: Neal

Post Number: 133
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Sunday, April 04, 2004 - 3:49 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Mr Abberline,
Sending you this letter so that some good-looking Hollywood actor can play your part in a future film.
Ive killed 4 or 5 cant remember now, but Kellys next, although shes got connections what with taking care of Prince Eddys baby. By the way, dont let on about Kelly being Prince Eddys sister!
Tried to give miself up to the law the other day, but could barely get through the door. Some bloke inside called Maybrick said hed done it, and said hed been writing a diary. Another one called Sickert said hed done it because he had something wrong with his ****. There were others called Stephenson, Tumblety, and Klosowski. They all seemed desperate for fame and book deals, but no ones going to believe those nutters. The Police were laughing their heads off at them!

I was going to use the name Jack the Ripper again but I dont fink it will catch on?

P.S. I only cut throats, how did my victims get mutilated and lose organs? Im also a vegetarian!

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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 2296
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Sunday, April 04, 2004 - 5:57 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss

Those five womwn I butchered...how was I supposed to know they were five celebrities sleeping rough for the night to help the homeless? Bloody politicians' wives, actresses...I thought there was something dodgy about Nichols when I saw that champagne bottle...and I could hardly get at Kelly's throat for jewellery. Can't you keep these rich bitches out of my hair?

Yours

Angry Jack
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Monty
Chief Inspector
Username: Monty

Post Number: 970
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Monday, April 05, 2004 - 8:06 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,

I must protest about the number of Bluebottles you have now on the streets of Whitechapel. Before I could take my time but now I have to be fully alert and aware and, to be honest, my nerves are completely shot. My Doctor has had me on all kinds of medication including arsnic. How the bloody hell do you expect me to complete the job you failed to do with all this harrassment ??

Its bloody inconvenient, just wait till Mummy hears about this.

Yours Truely...madly....deeply,

Jack

PS Any chance of having back that kidne I sent? It is of sentimental value.

Chin, chin, what, what.
Our little group has always been and always will until the end...
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Edgar Hadley
Unregistered guest
Posted on Tuesday, April 06, 2004 - 7:54 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,

You can't stop me now.Im doin importent work.

With the last lady I had my own Hopperatin fearta.

I made er cumftabul wiv a nise soft pillow and a blazing fire.

I removed the deezeezed hart suksessful and you can ave a good boochers wen it arrives in the post.
Er own muva wouldn't rekonise er now Ha Ha

Don't hinterupt my good work dear old Boss,


Doctor Jack the Ripper
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Matthew Howard
Unregistered guest
Posted on Friday, April 16, 2004 - 7:32 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,
Here is some grist. One lady had handy Jacky to tea. She begged a dance and I cut in. All the policemen twelve square and never one round when you need him. ha ha. It would give you fits to have my fun. I watched them trying to peer in on my work. Not one sharp as my knif. My work is its own holiday. It tickles me and I will not stop till I am knicked if you can find the heart.
Your Jack,
The Ripper
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Suzi Hanney
Chief Inspector
Username: Suzi

Post Number: 783
Registered: 7-2003
Posted on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 6:07 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Sor.
I read thes letters they were very nise
x
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 2492
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 5:53 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss

Can you ask the Lord Mayor to quit holding shows that distract attention from my lovely murders?

Aggrieved Jack
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Bob Hinton
Inspector
Username: Bobhinton

Post Number: 200
Registered: 2-2003
Posted on Monday, May 31, 2004 - 10:46 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Thes letters are not reel. I dont rite them why shood i rite them. All you coppers and poltiians dont no why thes hors ar on the streets so why shooldnt i cleer them of?

Thes hors ar bad wommen and shood be cleered of they steel things and make you bad. I will cleer them of the streets I shood get a reword for doin this .

My name is not jack the ripper he dosnent cleer hors of the streets he just rites lettres he is liing.

I am a street cleerer.
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Ken Morris
Unregistered guest
Posted on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 2:19 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss

Won't be in fir werk 2day. Tried anuther 1 of them there double events last nite, and discovered the better side of them there unfortinits.

Evrybody wang chung 2nite-

Jacky-poo
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G.R. Eliot
Unregistered guest
Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 - 8:36 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Beware, fer i shl be at werk agin close to you ospitle. get me Jonny cockrin if im cawt.

jack
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Ollie
Unregistered guest
Posted on Monday, February 28, 2005 - 12:34 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Boss,

I am a real connoisseur of fine foods if you hadt gathred already.Martha, Polly and Annie were great for starters and a real fine entree.Shame about Lizzie, she missed supper, but Kate made a real main course, and for that I thank her.Fried and ate half her kidney, but wernt greedy though , shared half with Mr Lusk.He said nothing though - not even a bloody thankyou note, Snob.HA HA.

As you can see I love my work , and my food, that joke about doctor gave me real fits.Anyway, desert beckons, think I'll try a human heart this time - wouldnt you HA HA.

Yours always, Jack
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Stuart
Unregistered guest
Posted on Monday, February 28, 2005 - 12:16 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss,

I started my funny little games with Martha, stabbed her 40 times!No one cared though , the papers said nothing of my Grand Work.I finded out the papers want a Right Royal Show indeed so that I gave them.I know this game now -number 2 and 3 really got tounges wagging all around town.

Had to really strain my head to stay in the papers, so came up with the big double event and oh! how the folks loved it.The police, and poor Mr Abberline, must have had real fits over it- HA HA.

Anyway, I'm not codding when I say I have to put my head to work again to outdo the last job(I'll bet the top lady loved it). It should be a cracker.Good luck catching me ! You know who.
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Glenn Wade
Unregistered guest
Posted on Tuesday, July 05, 2005 - 9:06 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Robert Arthur Talbot Gascoyne-Cecil
Earl of Salisbury
Prime Minister

Dear Arthur,
It is with great personal amusement and satisfaction that I see the authorities in the Whitechapel district of our Capital City fumbling about and making a pig's ear of the case concerning the murders of 'Jack The Ripper'. Quite why they are taking so much trouble over the letters sent to them by 'The Ripper' has me in fits of laughter each time I hear it. As the amount of paper sent to them each day appears to rise and the poor men seem content to hound butchers, bakers and candlestick makers, I thought it prudent to make myself known to our most beloved First Minister. I am responsible for the deaths in Whitechapel, and take great pride in being so. The reasoning behind this is a matter as complicated as my tools are sharp, regretfully far beyond the intellect of a mere Politician such as yourself. To keep matters simple, I lost a son, many years ago, in the year of our Lord 1879. He was killed at a battle called Isandhlwana in Zululand, South Africa. Prior to enlisting in the 24th Regiment of Foot, now the South Wales Borderers, my son had a future that would have outshone your merge achievements Arthur. Sadly for him, my son was fond of drink, dice and whores. It was in the Whitechapel district that he was poxed by a whore, the very dregs of human life, closer to the Devil than I will ever be. In disgrace and self hatred, he enlisted below his class, using an alias that I knew not until now. I could not find him until very recently, only to know that his bleached skeleton lies beneath the parched earth of Zululand. I doubt that you can comprehend my reasoning Arthur but I expected nothing more. May the Lord Bless you and yours.

Regards

'Jack The Ripper'
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert

Post Number: 4640
Registered: 3-2003
Posted on Tuesday, July 05, 2005 - 3:46 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Dear Boss

I got to tell you it's on my conscience when I killed Eddowes I stole fourpence from her. I saw the priest I told him everything and he said "Have you still got the fourpence?" and I said "No" and he said "Bugger I wanted a woman tonight."

Jack
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S. Ryan
Unregistered guest
Posted on Friday, July 08, 2005 - 2:14 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Bosses

" Wrethced whores will all rot in hell,
Of thier infernal deeds, it is I that shall tell,
I will rid the world of these filthy vermon,
If it is you who ask - YES! I am preaching a sermon,
What I am doing is the work of the Lord,
I choose not the pen, but to use the sword,
Hunt me if you wish, and tell that I am mean,
But you wont catch me - see you in hell Mr Abberline! "

P.S. That joke about a serial killer gave me real fits.


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Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo

Post Number: 116
Registered: 2-2004
Posted on Saturday, October 01, 2005 - 11:07 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Mr Lusk, Sor I send you half the kidne i took from one woman and prasarved it for you tother piece i grilled and ate it was nise thanks to my new GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL. Signed another satisfied E-bay buyer
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)

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